Everyone that thirsteth, come ye to the waters.

Hey! If this is your first time at this blog, this is a blog that we (Annie and Mike Ossewaarde) have kept up very infrequently since we've been married.  I (Mike) regularly make resolutions that I will keep up in posting, but I rarely follow through.  Today, I have something that might be of interest to the folks at First Pres Harbor Springs.

Sunday September 9th will be FPCHS's service downtown at the boathouse in Harbor Springs.  It's a service about community, enjoying the outdoors before the weather takes a turn for the worst, and baptism.

In my theology classes back at Hope we dug very briefly into baptism as a sacrament.  I'm sure many far more important things were taught about this special sacrament, but this is what I brought with me out of the classroom--Baptism, wherever and however it is done (full immersion vs. drips, infant vs. adult) is more than a symbol.  It is an act and a beckoning of the Holy Spirit in the same way prayer is a beckoning of the Holy Spirit.  And it's not just a cleansing thing...because after all, the cleanest guy to ever walk the planet was baptized by John the Baptist in the Jordan River.  So not only are we cleansed in the holy waters, we are also baptized into something.  It's another invitation to participate in the Church... an group of people committed simply to loving God and others.  How about that?  Sounds pretty good to me.

But, I'll admit, I'm tempted to ask: "Why full immersion when I could stay dry and have some water dripped on my forehead?"

Because a lot of how we live and what we do is about staying clean, dry and presentable.  I like to look at baptism in comparison to some formal occasion like a wedding, prom, or a banquet.  We take some time to look and feel our absolute best for such occasions.  And since somewhere inside us lingers an overwhelming desire for these events to go perfectly; we find ourselves praying for perfect weather, no rain, no clouds, not too hot, not to cold, absolutely no humidity...but not dry either.  We also pray that certain people don't miss their important cues, that the musicians don't mess up or forget to show up, that Cousin Louie doesn't make a fool of himself and his family again, or that the candles don't set the centerpieces on fire.  I remember holding my breath as thunder rang in the skies as Annie walked down the aisle in our wedding.  We are always hoping for the best, which strangely seems to mean hoping for the avoidance of worst.  We wouldn't want any rain/wind/humidity to mess up anyone's hair!  What would that do to our precious pictures and our memories?!

Getting baptized isn't much like going to a black tie occasion.  It's more like going tubing behind a powerboat.  It's exhilarating, it's a leap of faith, it's a leap of trust!  And you get wet.  There's really no two ways around it.  It doesn't happen to matter that it's raining or humid, you're getting a bath either way (as a side note, the youth went tubing on Burt Lake last weekend and it was rainy and muggy.  We had a blast).  You walk toward shore drenched, cleansed, blessed, and uneasy and God smiles. You feel hardly even a hint of comfort.  This is a excerpt from Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies...

"Can you imagine the hopelessness of trying to live a spiritual life when you're secretly looking up at the skies not for illumination or direction but to gauge, miserably, the odds of rain?  Can you imagine how discouraging it was for me to live in fear of weather, of drizzle or downpour?  Because Christianity is about water: "Everyone that thirsteth, come ye to the waters."  It's about baptism, for God's sake.  It's about full immersion, about falling into something elemental and wet.  Most of what we do in worldly life is geared toward our staying dry, looking good, not going under.  But in baptism, in lakes and rain and tanks and fonts, you agree to do something that's a little sloppy because at the same time it's also holy, and absurd.  it's about surrender, giving in to all those things we can't control; it's a willingness to let go of balance and decorum and get drenched."

We like balance and decorum and ease and comfort.  It's not until we get drenched that we realize how much we needed a good dunk.  It's an opportunity to let go of stability and to roll with the punches.

Lamott finishes her passage saying: "Furthermore, I don't think you're supposed to devote so much of your prayer life to the desperate hope that there not be any weather."  We look forward to Sunday the 9th!

Pictures!

so Mike usually does all the writing but I decided it was time for a few picture updates too! ENJOY!



Me and a resident hanging out at the Denver Nuggets game

Tip Off at the Nuggets Game

The card table Mike, Beth and I made for my parents for Christmas
Dale House Christmas Party!


My primary snowboarding for the first time ever!

Me and Abby on the DHP Ski Trip at Breckenridge!
Jesse and Ryan trying to fix the Christmas tree after it fell over

more on hitler

Earlier this week Annie's primary asked me if I'd like to go to Starbucks with her. I didn't know her intentions--she probably just wanted to get out of the house--but rarely does a resident ask a staff to go to coffee so I went.

Annie's primary is definitely the most introspective resident here, so I love to ask her questions. Lately she's been reading Hitler's Mein Kampf. I knew that she was not a Neo-Nazi and I thought there must be a good reason for this--it sounds like a book I would pick up one day. So when I asked her why she's reading it, she gave me a strange look. Like, why not?

After thinking for a little she told me that in one of her art classes they looked at a painting. It was a majestic painting of a castle. The people in the class were told to express how it made them feel. Everyone had great things to say about the painting--it was colorful, filled with fantasy and wonder, poweful. Then the teacher clicked the slideshow and the artist's name appeared under it. I didn't know he painted, but I guess it was by Hitler. The class's perception of the painting instantly changed. How could such a lovely paint be done by such an evil man?

That's what the class said. But Annie's primary is much more loving and compassionate than the average bear. She said to me, "I decided that I have been told a lot of negative things about Hitler, but that painting said that he was just another human like me." So she picked up Mein Kampf which actually means "My Struggle."

Hitler wasn't born more prone to evil than anyone else--neither are thieves nor drug abusers nor sex offenders. By reading his book she was having a little mercy on the memories Hitler left behind. I don't think she knows how wise she was.

We knew we'd learn something from the residents here. She and one of my primaries are about to go to the parole board in early February. Keep us all in your prayers!

f*** the dhp/call it what it is

It is interesting how much an attitude--even just one person's attitude--can bring down an entire group of people.

It has been awhile since I've posted here for a couple of reasons. One is that I picked up a friend's shift two weekends ago (meaning that I've worked three straight weekends and, of course a lot during the week). The other reason is that I haven't found time (or, more importantly, patience) to settle down and think about my attitude.

It was probably close to 4 months ago when I posted talking about how excited Annie and I were to come out west. I talked about how beautiful Colorado is and how beautiful the residents here were going to be once we gave them a chance to be themselves. I said this...

"Sometimes it's hard to remember, for one reason or another, how unique/interesting/beautiful/lovable a person is when you're constantly carrying his/her baggage with them."

Well we're carrying some baggage now. We've had and seen a lot of tears and I've gotten into a few yelling matches. I didn't understand the extent of these kid's baggage. I thought carrying it with them was always going to be interesting. I knew it would be tiring--but I never thought it would have an effect on my own attitude.

Daily, Annie and I hear the phrase "f*** the DHP," or, "f*** staff." It's all f*** this and f*** that. That's just what we hear. And I can say with 100% confidence that there's no consequence, no fine, no amount of extra chores that can completely stop that language. The residents think it's part of who they are--maybe even part of who they were created to be. It's not the f word either--it's the attitude. The past has taught my primaries and Annie's primaries that humans are supposed to have bad attitudes.

It's scary to think about the task of helping them develop a new attitude, but it's even scarier when that becomes my attitude. And even scarier when I'm home with Annie on our time off and that's my attitude.

That being said. It is such a blessing that the staff here gets together every monday and thursday and has devotion/prayer time. And it's such a blessing that we have such an amazing team and team leader with the cutest baby boy that gives us so much joy. It's even a blessing to be able to do things like go skateboarding w/ kids at the skatepark that puts Lincoln Park at Hope College to shame.

The fleeting times where the residents genuinely love being with us are all blessings. And the ability to see God's love from each other is a blessing.

I felt it necessary to tell you about the resident's attitudes because it's a big theme here right now. There aren't five minutes that go by without being reminded of that. But I don't want anyone to think that Annie and I hate it here. We love it. The darkness is just as much a part of this experience as the light.

The other day our good friend Niko gave a killer devotion about not feeling God in the silence. I guess Mother Teresa, one of the most amazing servants of God ever, experienced a 50 year dark night of the soul. She didn't feel God for 50 years. (sidenote: I went on mission trip to Queens sophomore year of college and the extremely conservative evangelical leader at the ministry concluded that Mama T's dark night cancelled her salvation...that makes me mad.)

For 50 years Mother Teresa served with one of the most beautiful hearts the world has everseen and she could not--no matter how hard she tried--see God. The key to her ability to continue to serve was to trust that one day she would again see and feel God day to day. I think that the fact that she was able to label her predicament as a 'dark night of the soul' allowed her to persevere.

With Mama T in mind, Annie and I want to be able to verbalize our struggles. I want to be able to say that I can't stand bad attitudes and irrationality so that we can appreciate this point in our walk with God for what it is.

I think about the guys I lived with last year... none of them are completely comfortable with exactly where they are and what they're doing right now. None of their current living situations or jobs or school are their final goal. Dave does not strive to one day be a host at a brewery and a caretaker. And Minkus never pictured himself working with 4th graders at a private school in Zeeland. But that's where they both are right now. And the super respectable thing about both of them and the others guys right now is I've never heard them say, "I don't know if I'm in the right place right now." They're all present and they all say, "I'm learning so much right now." Or, "I'm meeting such great people right now." Or, "I'm, for the first time, involving myself in a church body right now."

They call the season what it is. And they seem so thankful for it. I know that there are times where they all aren't super excited about certain aspects of the season, but will we ever be? I guess it all goes back to the overused and underestimated philosophy of living in the moment.

Maybe that'll encourage you, but it helps me a lot just to type it out.

my first AA meeting

Before I say anything, I want to apologize for not posting as often as I anticipated. Or calling for that matter (for those of you who expect calls from me). Yesterday Annie stayed up almost all night and I woke up at 4am to finish a seminary paper. We both thought that life style was behind us now that we've graduated...guess not. We're just busy.

Most of the time it's fine. But sometimes it sucks, like when I forget to look at my planner and miss Client Manager meetings. I have definitely been experiencing a new wave of responsibility here that differs on a large scale from my responsibility level as a college student (duh).

The great news is, I just got back from my first A.A. meeting! Not because I've turned to the bottle to cope with all of my new responsibility as a college graduate/married man/youth worker, but because one of my primaries is required to go there every week. My boss told me his theory about how going to church should be more like going to AA so I decided to be my primary's special guest. I can't tell you how embarrassing it was to introduce myself not as an alcoholic. Before it got to my turn to say 'hi' I actually asked my primary if I should lie and say that I'm an alcoholic. He goes, 'Well, is it true?' hahahaha. I was honest and just said, 'Hi I'm Mike.' A confused/awkward/kind of quiet response came back in awful unison from the group, '....hi mike?'

Regardless, my boss Kevin was right! AA is WAY cooler than church. Everything was out on the table. I heard about people's relapses, sobriety, drunkenness, victories, and the 'f' word was used a lot. And people talked very confidently about uncomfortable life stuff. People who couldn't keep sobriety asked those who were 3 months sober what their secrets were. Everything was so honest and sincere...and people weren't just there for themselves...they were there for the group. One guy talked about how much of a victory AA was for him...just being involved. He said that he used to think of it as a failure because it was the results of his negative coping skills. As a goal focused college student, AA didn't sound like something to be proud of--but today it was the one thing in his life he was most proud of.

And the meeting helped me. I didn't feel awkward after I got through the whole introduction thing. The topic was laughter and not taking ourselves too seriously. I thought about how well that applied to my life. I'm so focused on this job, getting down on myself when I mess up, and trying to have everything go according to plan. I'm constantly thinking about a budget and letting spending/not spending money control my living. For my own sake, and for Annie's sake, I need to take myself less seriously. Life's not about budgets and making my boss happy and having fits about missing meetings. It's about learning and having fun and taking in everything God has put around me. So at AA I learned that I need to relax. I hope to go back next week.

love you guys!

us & them?

Back in Holland one of my Young Life guys pretty regularly asked me a big question—and he had a reason for it too. In the rare moments that he and I found ourselves in a serious place he would question (I’m sure you can guess it), “Mad Mike, why do bad things happen to good people?”

I'm sure youth pastors around the world can relate to the helpless feeling I'd get in my gut as he'd look at me like I knew the answer.

And like any good Christian leader, I'd answer him by beating around the bush. I'd say, "Well Jay, what exactly is a good person to you?" And I'd draw him this little graph (I know that I often tell some of you guys that I get frustrated when people try to make the Gospel into a science... like drawing graphs... but give me a break I was flustered).

My theory was that it's hard to do anything but call all humans 'bad' when put on a bar graph up against God's goodness. God's infinite goodness sets off the scale so much that it almost looks as if Mama T, Hitler, and I are all on the same 'goodness' level. Now Jay was okay with my graph but the more I think about it the more I realize that he had every right to argue, "If God is that good how could anything bad happen at all?"

Here at the Dale House it's tempting to draw a big bold line between what is good and what is bad... I'm ashamed to admit that it's even tempting to generalize who is good and who is bad. The other day, my primary even said that he knows he can be good and has been good, but it gets boring. Sometimes it's more fun to just be bad. You all know what I mean.

On Thursday, the director of the house (George) read this quote from N.T. Wright...

'The line between justice and injustice, between things being right and things not being right, can't be drawn between "us" and "them." It runs right down through the middle of each one of us.'

It runs right down the middle of each one of us. Me and my primary. Hitler and Mother Teresa. This idea of 'us and them' amongst Christians is fogging up the world's picture of God's all encompassing love. Us and them-- Us "the Christians" and them "the Muslims." Or us "the Americans" and them "the illegal immigrants." In fact, I'm inclined to believe, based on what I've read in the gospels, that Jesus might befriend the illegal immigrant far before introducing himself to me. ... maybe I'm 'them'...

Annie and I just got back from a bike trip with the staff at the Dale House. We biked 80 miles in two days and we got to hear everyone's beautiful life stories. It was apparent that there is no 'us and them' and we all know and have known both good and bad. We have all done both good and bad. The vulnerability on the trip really strengthened the community amongst old and new staff.

Here are some pics from that trip and some pics from Grey's Peak and Torrey's Peak (Annie and I went on a hike last weekend).

Here's us matching kind of unintentionally...we biked down a pass into Brekenridge and a town called Frisco stayed the night there then rode up and down Vail Pass...80 miles in two days!
At the top of Vail Pass
Our crazy friend Ryan who makes us laugh till we cry

On the hike up Grays and Torreys Peaks!

At the top of Torreys peak : 14,267 feet

At the top of Grays Peak : 14,270 feet


Rock climbing with the kids for a weeknight activity

Annie here! I decided I would write down a few thoughts since Mike writes a lot. Don't expect anything eloquent or deep but here it goes:)

So we're into our 3rd week here at the Dale House. We just finished our 1st weekend "on" which consisted of us starting at 2:30pm on Friday and ending at 8am Monday morning! A few highlights of the weekend are as follows: watching a children's movie with a few residents on Friday night; Mike having to cook his first meal here (shake and bake chicken) which was his first experience in baking in his whole life and really delicious; Going on a night hike to the top of a mountain with all the kids who complained the whole time but secretly loved it; Getting to go to an awesome multicultural church with one of the residents who is super excited about his faith; and lastly--
-- taking a walk with another resident where he told me his whole life story....from his adoptive parents that didn't care about him at all, to the time he first met his real Mom, who is addicted to methamphetamine and marijuana, and the first thing she did when they met was hand him a bottle of alcohol. He also told me about how he used to rob people every night to help support his sister's new born baby. This was heavy stuff that he was talking about but I just kept thinking about how he is a teenager, he's 18 years old and he's already gone through all of that.

We talked about how much he has already learned at the Dale House and how much he appreciates the staff and the way they care. One thing that he said that really stayed with me was, "I really value family time and I never had it growing up. I love when I walk in the door after work here and I have about 10 people asking me how my day was...it's the greatest thing ever"

Also, some more updates on primaries and new residents! Mike has a new primary that just got here a few days ago. He had just gotten his wisdom teeth pulled the day he came and so he was mellow and a little out of it but it has been cool getting to know him. He and Mike have already had quite a few good conversations. He told him that he wanted to earn trust with people here and show respect....he also talked about the fact that he knows he can be a good person and make good decisions, but every once in a while he just has a craving to do something bad. More to come on that later (from Mike)

Last thing--I visited the jail this last week to meet an 18 year old girl who will probably become my new primary! It was an altogether interesting and exciting experience. It was a little eerie being in a jail where ever door you walked through someone had to unlock for you and every 'inmate/juvenile' was in a light blue jump suit. I have another meeting with her and her client manager this week to talk about her transition to the Dale House. If everything goes well she should be here by the first week in October. She seems really awesome, self-aware, motivated and insightful. I'm so excited to get to know her more!

Thanks for reading and being a part of our lives...we appreciate your support!! You can pray for strength and compassion for Mike and I as we do our best to show Christ's love to these kids!!!

here are a few pics!


Our friend Ryan Jara from Hope (on staff) with one of the residents at the top of the peak that we did on our night hike. This is the resident I took a walk with and talked to about life
On the hike...Colorado Springs down below

One handsome resident

A previous resident that recently got out of jail and is living in one of the apartments that we rent out at the Dale House

A few residents fooling around in the kitchen, while Mike does the dishes.......typical