Most of the time it's fine. But sometimes it sucks, like when I forget to look at my planner and miss Client Manager meetings. I have definitely been experiencing a new wave of responsibility here that differs on a large scale from my responsibility level as a college student (duh).
The great news is, I just got back from my first A.A. meeting! Not because I've turned to the bottle to cope with all of my new responsibility as a college graduate/married man/youth worker, but because one of my primaries is required to go there every week. My boss told me his theory about how going to church should be more like going to AA so I decided to be my primary's special guest. I can't tell you how embarrassing it was to introduce myself not as an alcoholic. Before it got to my turn to say 'hi' I actually asked my primary if I should lie and say that I'm an alcoholic. He goes, 'Well, is it true?' hahahaha. I was honest and just said, 'Hi I'm Mike.' A confused/awkward/kind of quiet response came back in awful unison from the group, '....hi mike?'
Regardless, my boss Kevin was right! AA is WAY cooler than church. Everything was out on the table. I heard about people's relapses, sobriety, drunkenness, victories, and the 'f' word was used a lot. And people talked very confidently about uncomfortable life stuff. People who couldn't keep sobriety asked those who were 3 months sober what their secrets were. Everything was so honest and sincere...and people weren't just there for themselves...they were there for the group. One guy talked about how much of a victory AA was for him...just being involved. He said that he used to think of it as a failure because it was the results of his negative coping skills. As a goal focused college student, AA didn't sound like something to be proud of--but today it was the one thing in his life he was most proud of.
And the meeting helped me. I didn't feel awkward after I got through the whole introduction thing. The topic was laughter and not taking ourselves too seriously. I thought about how well that applied to my life. I'm so focused on this job, getting down on myself when I mess up, and trying to have everything go according to plan. I'm constantly thinking about a budget and letting spending/not spending money control my living. For my own sake, and for Annie's sake, I need to take myself less seriously. Life's not about budgets and making my boss happy and having fits about missing meetings. It's about learning and having fun and taking in everything God has put around me. So at AA I learned that I need to relax. I hope to go back next week.
love you guys!
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