f*** the dhp/call it what it is

It is interesting how much an attitude--even just one person's attitude--can bring down an entire group of people.

It has been awhile since I've posted here for a couple of reasons. One is that I picked up a friend's shift two weekends ago (meaning that I've worked three straight weekends and, of course a lot during the week). The other reason is that I haven't found time (or, more importantly, patience) to settle down and think about my attitude.

It was probably close to 4 months ago when I posted talking about how excited Annie and I were to come out west. I talked about how beautiful Colorado is and how beautiful the residents here were going to be once we gave them a chance to be themselves. I said this...

"Sometimes it's hard to remember, for one reason or another, how unique/interesting/beautiful/lovable a person is when you're constantly carrying his/her baggage with them."

Well we're carrying some baggage now. We've had and seen a lot of tears and I've gotten into a few yelling matches. I didn't understand the extent of these kid's baggage. I thought carrying it with them was always going to be interesting. I knew it would be tiring--but I never thought it would have an effect on my own attitude.

Daily, Annie and I hear the phrase "f*** the DHP," or, "f*** staff." It's all f*** this and f*** that. That's just what we hear. And I can say with 100% confidence that there's no consequence, no fine, no amount of extra chores that can completely stop that language. The residents think it's part of who they are--maybe even part of who they were created to be. It's not the f word either--it's the attitude. The past has taught my primaries and Annie's primaries that humans are supposed to have bad attitudes.

It's scary to think about the task of helping them develop a new attitude, but it's even scarier when that becomes my attitude. And even scarier when I'm home with Annie on our time off and that's my attitude.

That being said. It is such a blessing that the staff here gets together every monday and thursday and has devotion/prayer time. And it's such a blessing that we have such an amazing team and team leader with the cutest baby boy that gives us so much joy. It's even a blessing to be able to do things like go skateboarding w/ kids at the skatepark that puts Lincoln Park at Hope College to shame.

The fleeting times where the residents genuinely love being with us are all blessings. And the ability to see God's love from each other is a blessing.

I felt it necessary to tell you about the resident's attitudes because it's a big theme here right now. There aren't five minutes that go by without being reminded of that. But I don't want anyone to think that Annie and I hate it here. We love it. The darkness is just as much a part of this experience as the light.

The other day our good friend Niko gave a killer devotion about not feeling God in the silence. I guess Mother Teresa, one of the most amazing servants of God ever, experienced a 50 year dark night of the soul. She didn't feel God for 50 years. (sidenote: I went on mission trip to Queens sophomore year of college and the extremely conservative evangelical leader at the ministry concluded that Mama T's dark night cancelled her salvation...that makes me mad.)

For 50 years Mother Teresa served with one of the most beautiful hearts the world has everseen and she could not--no matter how hard she tried--see God. The key to her ability to continue to serve was to trust that one day she would again see and feel God day to day. I think that the fact that she was able to label her predicament as a 'dark night of the soul' allowed her to persevere.

With Mama T in mind, Annie and I want to be able to verbalize our struggles. I want to be able to say that I can't stand bad attitudes and irrationality so that we can appreciate this point in our walk with God for what it is.

I think about the guys I lived with last year... none of them are completely comfortable with exactly where they are and what they're doing right now. None of their current living situations or jobs or school are their final goal. Dave does not strive to one day be a host at a brewery and a caretaker. And Minkus never pictured himself working with 4th graders at a private school in Zeeland. But that's where they both are right now. And the super respectable thing about both of them and the others guys right now is I've never heard them say, "I don't know if I'm in the right place right now." They're all present and they all say, "I'm learning so much right now." Or, "I'm meeting such great people right now." Or, "I'm, for the first time, involving myself in a church body right now."

They call the season what it is. And they seem so thankful for it. I know that there are times where they all aren't super excited about certain aspects of the season, but will we ever be? I guess it all goes back to the overused and underestimated philosophy of living in the moment.

Maybe that'll encourage you, but it helps me a lot just to type it out.

my first AA meeting

Before I say anything, I want to apologize for not posting as often as I anticipated. Or calling for that matter (for those of you who expect calls from me). Yesterday Annie stayed up almost all night and I woke up at 4am to finish a seminary paper. We both thought that life style was behind us now that we've graduated...guess not. We're just busy.

Most of the time it's fine. But sometimes it sucks, like when I forget to look at my planner and miss Client Manager meetings. I have definitely been experiencing a new wave of responsibility here that differs on a large scale from my responsibility level as a college student (duh).

The great news is, I just got back from my first A.A. meeting! Not because I've turned to the bottle to cope with all of my new responsibility as a college graduate/married man/youth worker, but because one of my primaries is required to go there every week. My boss told me his theory about how going to church should be more like going to AA so I decided to be my primary's special guest. I can't tell you how embarrassing it was to introduce myself not as an alcoholic. Before it got to my turn to say 'hi' I actually asked my primary if I should lie and say that I'm an alcoholic. He goes, 'Well, is it true?' hahahaha. I was honest and just said, 'Hi I'm Mike.' A confused/awkward/kind of quiet response came back in awful unison from the group, '....hi mike?'

Regardless, my boss Kevin was right! AA is WAY cooler than church. Everything was out on the table. I heard about people's relapses, sobriety, drunkenness, victories, and the 'f' word was used a lot. And people talked very confidently about uncomfortable life stuff. People who couldn't keep sobriety asked those who were 3 months sober what their secrets were. Everything was so honest and sincere...and people weren't just there for themselves...they were there for the group. One guy talked about how much of a victory AA was for him...just being involved. He said that he used to think of it as a failure because it was the results of his negative coping skills. As a goal focused college student, AA didn't sound like something to be proud of--but today it was the one thing in his life he was most proud of.

And the meeting helped me. I didn't feel awkward after I got through the whole introduction thing. The topic was laughter and not taking ourselves too seriously. I thought about how well that applied to my life. I'm so focused on this job, getting down on myself when I mess up, and trying to have everything go according to plan. I'm constantly thinking about a budget and letting spending/not spending money control my living. For my own sake, and for Annie's sake, I need to take myself less seriously. Life's not about budgets and making my boss happy and having fits about missing meetings. It's about learning and having fun and taking in everything God has put around me. So at AA I learned that I need to relax. I hope to go back next week.

love you guys!

us & them?

Back in Holland one of my Young Life guys pretty regularly asked me a big question—and he had a reason for it too. In the rare moments that he and I found ourselves in a serious place he would question (I’m sure you can guess it), “Mad Mike, why do bad things happen to good people?”

I'm sure youth pastors around the world can relate to the helpless feeling I'd get in my gut as he'd look at me like I knew the answer.

And like any good Christian leader, I'd answer him by beating around the bush. I'd say, "Well Jay, what exactly is a good person to you?" And I'd draw him this little graph (I know that I often tell some of you guys that I get frustrated when people try to make the Gospel into a science... like drawing graphs... but give me a break I was flustered).

My theory was that it's hard to do anything but call all humans 'bad' when put on a bar graph up against God's goodness. God's infinite goodness sets off the scale so much that it almost looks as if Mama T, Hitler, and I are all on the same 'goodness' level. Now Jay was okay with my graph but the more I think about it the more I realize that he had every right to argue, "If God is that good how could anything bad happen at all?"

Here at the Dale House it's tempting to draw a big bold line between what is good and what is bad... I'm ashamed to admit that it's even tempting to generalize who is good and who is bad. The other day, my primary even said that he knows he can be good and has been good, but it gets boring. Sometimes it's more fun to just be bad. You all know what I mean.

On Thursday, the director of the house (George) read this quote from N.T. Wright...

'The line between justice and injustice, between things being right and things not being right, can't be drawn between "us" and "them." It runs right down through the middle of each one of us.'

It runs right down the middle of each one of us. Me and my primary. Hitler and Mother Teresa. This idea of 'us and them' amongst Christians is fogging up the world's picture of God's all encompassing love. Us and them-- Us "the Christians" and them "the Muslims." Or us "the Americans" and them "the illegal immigrants." In fact, I'm inclined to believe, based on what I've read in the gospels, that Jesus might befriend the illegal immigrant far before introducing himself to me. ... maybe I'm 'them'...

Annie and I just got back from a bike trip with the staff at the Dale House. We biked 80 miles in two days and we got to hear everyone's beautiful life stories. It was apparent that there is no 'us and them' and we all know and have known both good and bad. We have all done both good and bad. The vulnerability on the trip really strengthened the community amongst old and new staff.

Here are some pics from that trip and some pics from Grey's Peak and Torrey's Peak (Annie and I went on a hike last weekend).

Here's us matching kind of unintentionally...we biked down a pass into Brekenridge and a town called Frisco stayed the night there then rode up and down Vail Pass...80 miles in two days!
At the top of Vail Pass
Our crazy friend Ryan who makes us laugh till we cry

On the hike up Grays and Torreys Peaks!

At the top of Torreys peak : 14,267 feet

At the top of Grays Peak : 14,270 feet


Rock climbing with the kids for a weeknight activity

Annie here! I decided I would write down a few thoughts since Mike writes a lot. Don't expect anything eloquent or deep but here it goes:)

So we're into our 3rd week here at the Dale House. We just finished our 1st weekend "on" which consisted of us starting at 2:30pm on Friday and ending at 8am Monday morning! A few highlights of the weekend are as follows: watching a children's movie with a few residents on Friday night; Mike having to cook his first meal here (shake and bake chicken) which was his first experience in baking in his whole life and really delicious; Going on a night hike to the top of a mountain with all the kids who complained the whole time but secretly loved it; Getting to go to an awesome multicultural church with one of the residents who is super excited about his faith; and lastly--
-- taking a walk with another resident where he told me his whole life story....from his adoptive parents that didn't care about him at all, to the time he first met his real Mom, who is addicted to methamphetamine and marijuana, and the first thing she did when they met was hand him a bottle of alcohol. He also told me about how he used to rob people every night to help support his sister's new born baby. This was heavy stuff that he was talking about but I just kept thinking about how he is a teenager, he's 18 years old and he's already gone through all of that.

We talked about how much he has already learned at the Dale House and how much he appreciates the staff and the way they care. One thing that he said that really stayed with me was, "I really value family time and I never had it growing up. I love when I walk in the door after work here and I have about 10 people asking me how my day was...it's the greatest thing ever"

Also, some more updates on primaries and new residents! Mike has a new primary that just got here a few days ago. He had just gotten his wisdom teeth pulled the day he came and so he was mellow and a little out of it but it has been cool getting to know him. He and Mike have already had quite a few good conversations. He told him that he wanted to earn trust with people here and show respect....he also talked about the fact that he knows he can be a good person and make good decisions, but every once in a while he just has a craving to do something bad. More to come on that later (from Mike)

Last thing--I visited the jail this last week to meet an 18 year old girl who will probably become my new primary! It was an altogether interesting and exciting experience. It was a little eerie being in a jail where ever door you walked through someone had to unlock for you and every 'inmate/juvenile' was in a light blue jump suit. I have another meeting with her and her client manager this week to talk about her transition to the Dale House. If everything goes well she should be here by the first week in October. She seems really awesome, self-aware, motivated and insightful. I'm so excited to get to know her more!

Thanks for reading and being a part of our lives...we appreciate your support!! You can pray for strength and compassion for Mike and I as we do our best to show Christ's love to these kids!!!

here are a few pics!


Our friend Ryan Jara from Hope (on staff) with one of the residents at the top of the peak that we did on our night hike. This is the resident I took a walk with and talked to about life
On the hike...Colorado Springs down below

One handsome resident

A previous resident that recently got out of jail and is living in one of the apartments that we rent out at the Dale House

A few residents fooling around in the kitchen, while Mike does the dishes.......typical

season 1

So here we are... it's 10:16 in CO, but my computer clock still says 12:16.

We are moved in. My parents and Annie's mom came all the way out here with us bringing three car loads of almost everything Annie and I own. Thanks guys!

Before I say anything about the Dale House let me tell you that it is just as beautiful as you think it is out here. I can't tell you how weird it is to stand in a Target parking lot and feel like the earth completely plummets off its edges. It looked like a miniature rocky mountain range sat right at the edge of the concrete.

I tend to roll my eyes when people refer to Colorado as 'God's country' but I can understand where the name comes from.

Anyways, Annie and I start tomorrow! We are excited and have no idea what to expect. I know one of my primaries' names (but I can't publicize it!) (we each will eventually have two primaries and we are kind of in charge of those two residents). I actually met my first primary on Sunday night at a little gathering the Dale House calls family night. I have to say he seemed really nice! I have heard so many stories about the kids and their attitudes here that I was completely taken off guard when he came and introduced himself to me. The rest of the staff members later told me that he was asking all weekend when he was going to meet his new primary (our primaries also call us their primaries--kind of confusing.... sorry).

I later told somebody who has been here for awhile how nice my first primary seemed. She gave me a look that said, "You've got a lot to learn, Mike." She said that he, just like any resident, finds his way into to his fair share of trouble. Nice might not have been the first word that came to her head when she thought of him.

I've thought about that a lot today. Sometimes it's hard to remember, for one reason or another, how unique/interesting/beautiful/lovable a person is when you're constantly carrying his/her baggage with them. Especially knowing what life looks like when the baggage is dropped (especially at the foot of the empty tomb!). I'm praying that God gives Annie and I patience.

Tomorrow we learn all the rules and get thrown in pretty quickly. Season 1 episode 1 of the ossey's at the Dale House. It should be interesting. Pray for us and pray for the other residents here.

I'm sure Annie would love to take some pictures of our apartment and our AWESOME deck. Come out here and we'll throw a party on our party deck.

But seriously stay tuned for a picture update.
HERE IT IS!!!!

Here is the entry way into our apartment (take notice of the lemonjello's mug on shelf to the right)

This is our living room that came complete with decently nice couches! cool!


The bedroom.....with michaels artwork above the bed of course


Frezza in the kitchen admiring the beautiful pictures that our friends painted at our going away party!!


Another view of the kitchen (with Sophie's African canvas from Zambia hanging up!)
Our little whale friend that were in our bathroom when we got here. They help us not to slip.

Another view from the bathroom
Our porch off the front of the apartment
View of Pike's Peak out our living room window

lake superior!

I (Mike) have only been by Lake Superior on my way to Canada to go fishing in Ontario. I have heard from many people just how beautiful the Pictured Rocks are. And two weeks ago Annie and I were thinking about our limited time left in Michigan for awhile. Since we're moving to Colorado, our only reason to come back might be to see friends and family--which are far more important than a pretty lake.

So Annie quit her job and we went backpacking in the most beautiful area in all of Michigan.

We thought maybe we'd share some pics with you guys...

btw.....annie just got a new camera and this is her first debut of her pictures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 ( you can click on them if you want to see them bigger)

Sunset at our first campsite

This is Chapel Rock, about 70 years ago there was a rock archway here that the roots from the tree went across. That archway collapsed and now only the roots remain and connect the rock to the other side of the cliff. AMAZING!!!!!!

At Spray Falls

Beautiful rocks that we found all over the beach

wilderness: the mountain and the valley

It's been a few weeks, but we're still talking about the wilderness trip we took in Colorado.

Colorado was awesome. We didn't spend much time in civilization at all. The mountains and the fresh air were life-giving and they encouraged--in some strange way--meaningful and vulnerable conversation.

We almost could have just stayed out there. It seemed as though the only thing stopping us from becoming mountain people was our limited food supply and the desire for a shower...or at least a chance to put on some deodorant. Because God was in the mountains. We could see God's glory revealed in nature. I thought maybe it was the clean, thin air that made it easy to think and communicate with God--but as I continue to think now, I understand the closeness to God was in our release from the pressure of a very broken world. We had somehow left the brokenness--almost as if we had all crowded into the back of a wardrobe and ended up in a magical land...minus the talking beavers and horse-people.

No wonder Jesus and John the Baptist and other bible figures left for the woods or the desert on a regular basis.

God, God's creation, and our existence made a whole lot more sense at 13,200 feet. So why not stay up there?

Mark (one of our guides) read an excerpt from The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis on the last day. I had never read the book, but the quote talked about removing oneself from society. It seems too good to be true up above. It's care-free, beautiful, and holy. Lewis comments, though, that we weren't meant to remove ourselves from everything for more than a short period. We were meant to live in the valley. The valley may be filled with brokenness and pain, but it's where we need to be. It's where we face the challenge of following Jesus.

Following Jesus was too easy up there.

The wilderness was only a vacation. And now were back to harsh reality. It's ugly but God's telling us to do something about it.

I was inspired yesterday to start writing this post because my friend Kevin put a verse from Revelation on his facebook page. It said, "and i took the little scroll from the hand of the angel and ate it; it was sweet as honey in my mouth, but when i had eaten it my stomach was made bitter."

Sometimes I pick up the bible thinking--this is going to feel good--just like the spiritual connection we felt with God I felt in the San Juan mountains--it tasted like honey! But it doesn't always feel great later. Sometimes (all the time?) we pick up the bible and meditate and leave with a sour taste. I'd guess that's probably the sour taste of conviction and calling. Living in the valley is tough, but it's where the rubber meets the road. It's sour and ugly and SO beautiful all at the same time.

...it helps, too, to look back at the amazing pictures we took in the mountains while we're in the valley.

Love you guys!

Some of our kids worshiping on the top of one of the peaks we climbed

Mike and Mark (one of our guides) on top of another peak!
Mike helping Kassie (one of our campers) up a difficult climb
       Awwwww.....us on another peak:)
    Beautiful sunrise at a beautiful campsite

Test Run!

We've never created a blog before, but thought it would be a good idea to keep our friends and family updated on our adventures as we move out to Colorado.  We will be there in approximately 41 days and we can't wait!  We just got back from southwestern Colorado taking some of our favorite high school kids from Young Life in Holland on the trail at Wilderness Ranch.  It was amazing, beautiful, life changing (for us and for our kids) and we celebrated Annie's 22nd birthday out there as well.  

More to come hopefully on our preparations for our move and maybe some wedding pics/life pics:)

Love you all!

-Annie & Mike

ok...wait...i think i figured out how to post pictures so we'll see if this works:)

they might be a little out of order but oh well!!

   Mother/Son Dance

  

Father Daughter Dance

Annie and Beth
         During the ceremony
  Mike having a blast escorting people!!
The Ossewaarde/Johnson side!

              Proud Parents!